I need help removing her.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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