I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
