I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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