it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
