he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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