his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
