First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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