I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
