I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
