he laminated a picture of his dick.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
