hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
