Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
