Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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