The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
