i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize