My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
