i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
