we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
