i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
