I can't breathe out the right side of my face
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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