Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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