hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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