So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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