we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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