just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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