I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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