Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
