I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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