I cockslap morals
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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