He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Boobs are out for the taking
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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