Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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