i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
