so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
