Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
