Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
