I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
