A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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