Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
