I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
