i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
