i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
