I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
