I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
