having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
