I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
