Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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