Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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