last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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