I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
