Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
