Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
