If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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