She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
