It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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