She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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