You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
