i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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