I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
