Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
false alarm. still invincible.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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