I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
