I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
where does the pee come out of this thing
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
