So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
