dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
