There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i out mim tonsoeep
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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