1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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