so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
