very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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