3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I puked a lego.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
