Buhtt sex?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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