Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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