i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
