weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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