i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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