Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
